Not sure what title to give...

I love my life, I love that God has given me the responsibility to be a wife, a mother, a sister and a daughter. What I struggle with is God's calling for me. I want to be nice, not selfish, loving, a good listener and most of all I just want to be pleasing to my Father.

You would think that after 20 years I would recognize that not all people change for the better. The reason I say this is because I have struggled for so long to see the positives in her and they are there. Its just the negatives out way the positives. There has been so many negatives in my life with her that she now has used that negative attitude on my kids.They have made their own opinions of her. I broke away for the last time, I have chosen to surround myself with positive and not negative. It has not been easy, I have been mad, cried and I have yelled at God and asked him why he chose her and I to be a team? What was he thinking? Because I am not the way she is, I have been told, I may look like her but I am nothing like her. I try not to judge people, I try my best to love all people, I try and keep friends, deep friendships, and she does not have those things. So I feel sorry for her, I realize shes lost, she needs to draw closer to God. He teaches, He loves, He forgives and He wants her. It seems all I can do is pray for her and hope she finds happiness in her life.

I do have to say my fault in this relationship was I was a wild child, looking for for love in all the wrong places, wanting to go find myself way to early, I was disrespectful at times, I lied, I used her for my benefit at times. All the while she was good to my kids when they were younger, she took me in when I could not make it on my own as a single mom, she loved me through my tears. Somehow the relationship turned destructive. I can not name a specific date because it came in waves, seasons, things would be good for a while until I did or said something she did not approve of. She is not capable of communicating calmly, instead she attacks until she gets so riled up you can not get a word in. So how long do you live with this? What's the plan God? I'd like to know....

I believe the relationship is not good for me or my family, I believe having safe boundaries is a priority when it starts to affect your husband and kids. So I will not say I do not cry or I do not get angry sometimes. Especially when I found out my dad had to go to hospital 4 days ago and he was unresponsive twice in the ambulance, I did not get a phone call from her, I got a call from someone else. How do I handle this?

I cry, I get a little mad, I pray to God and ask him what do I do?
He says, "Wait...Wait on Me"!


Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD;

 Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD

So looks like I am waiting on God to handle this situaion...