Larson's Christmas Letter

Dear friends and family,

I have never been this late with my Christmas letter let alone writing it online. So the cards are in the mail and here is our Christmas letter.

Aaron- graduated with his BS in counseling  and is working on his masters, he finished his first year with all A's of course. He is strengthening his counseling career with working at several different drug and alcohol centers. He recently had a second interview with an organization called NARA. So we are praying that he gets the job, hours are a little better and more time with family. 

Tracie- is still in school and will be done hopefully in September with a degree in Billing and Coding. I am hoping to get some kind of job in a hospital or clinic setting. I am adjusting to our new home in salmon creek. Its a little farther from church so sometimes its hard to get to some functions at church due to busy schedules and distance. I am still working part-time at Fred Meyers and they have been very good about my school schedule.

Alyssa 21- she got married in august and so we have a new family member. It has been great getting to know our new son in law. They are in early stage of marriage, so they are busy with work and spending time together. Anytime we get to hang out we cherish it. 

Kayla 18-is still in Kelso, she is working at Papa Murphy's and is living life. She is still a child in an adult world to me, but she is doing as well as can be expected while on this adult journey. She does come to visit often and it is a joy to have her in the house.

Alex 16-is a sophomore at Skyview and he is really enjoying it. He is doing well academically and is in wrestling this year. Its his first year wrestling and even though he hasn't won one match yet it is the experience he is gaining. He has been so busy with wrestling that he has missed youth group alot and that is always a concern that he is getting fed. So we continue to speak into his life and feed him the best we can.

God has been so good to Aaron and I, he has protected us from illness, harm and is always providing for us. He provides a roof over our heads and the finances to be able to provide for our kids when needed. He has kept our kids healthy and blessed us with 4 kids that makes us laugh and still feel young. Aaron and I love our family so much and enjoy any time that we get to spend with each one of them. It is humbling to sit back and see what God is doing with each one of their lives. 

I ask you to pray for each of them, one is on their own journey,one has a hard time making friends, one needs more hours at work. So thank you to those who are constantly speaking into their lives. They will someday look back and be forever grateful for you!

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

Tracie

Not sure what title to give...

I love my life, I love that God has given me the responsibility to be a wife, a mother, a sister and a daughter. What I struggle with is God's calling for me. I want to be nice, not selfish, loving, a good listener and most of all I just want to be pleasing to my Father.

You would think that after 20 years I would recognize that not all people change for the better. The reason I say this is because I have struggled for so long to see the positives in her and they are there. Its just the negatives out way the positives. There has been so many negatives in my life with her that she now has used that negative attitude on my kids.They have made their own opinions of her. I broke away for the last time, I have chosen to surround myself with positive and not negative. It has not been easy, I have been mad, cried and I have yelled at God and asked him why he chose her and I to be a team? What was he thinking? Because I am not the way she is, I have been told, I may look like her but I am nothing like her. I try not to judge people, I try my best to love all people, I try and keep friends, deep friendships, and she does not have those things. So I feel sorry for her, I realize shes lost, she needs to draw closer to God. He teaches, He loves, He forgives and He wants her. It seems all I can do is pray for her and hope she finds happiness in her life.

I do have to say my fault in this relationship was I was a wild child, looking for for love in all the wrong places, wanting to go find myself way to early, I was disrespectful at times, I lied, I used her for my benefit at times. All the while she was good to my kids when they were younger, she took me in when I could not make it on my own as a single mom, she loved me through my tears. Somehow the relationship turned destructive. I can not name a specific date because it came in waves, seasons, things would be good for a while until I did or said something she did not approve of. She is not capable of communicating calmly, instead she attacks until she gets so riled up you can not get a word in. So how long do you live with this? What's the plan God? I'd like to know....

I believe the relationship is not good for me or my family, I believe having safe boundaries is a priority when it starts to affect your husband and kids. So I will not say I do not cry or I do not get angry sometimes. Especially when I found out my dad had to go to hospital 4 days ago and he was unresponsive twice in the ambulance, I did not get a phone call from her, I got a call from someone else. How do I handle this?

I cry, I get a little mad, I pray to God and ask him what do I do?
He says, "Wait...Wait on Me"!


Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD;

 Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD

So looks like I am waiting on God to handle this situaion...

Tracie's Corner: Two little girls grew up apart and now are togethe...

Tracie's Corner: Two little girls grew up apart and now are togethe...: So one time sitting on my grandpas lap, we were looking through his bible. We would always go through the list of birthdays he wrote down to...

Two little girls grew up apart and now are together!

So one time sitting on my grandpas lap, we were looking through his bible. We would always go through the list of birthdays he wrote down to see who has a birthday coming up. This one time I asked him, "who's Jenny, gpa"? He said, "oh just a friend".
I remember that conversation like it was yesterday. So one time after Aaron and I got married and we moved to Vancouver, I received a phone call from a young woman. She said, "hi, my name is Jenny and I am your sister". Wow! That memory of sitting on my grandpas lap came back right after she said that. She had found out about me and had been searching for me.I think I was in shock and a little leary, until I saw her. I wouldn't say we look just alike,  we both have the olive skin and dark hair. She got the tall gene. Our dad was like 6ft. I anxiously awaited her to be my face book friend. We have exchanged Christmas cards, birthday gifts.
It was last year on my  42nd birthday that Jen flew in as a surprise for 1 night, It was so much fun, it became a reality.

After that 24 hours with her, I knew I wanted to know more about her and her family. So I went for 2 days to Kansas. I haven't flown in a long time so I was a little nervous, let alone flying by myself and switching planes. It was good for me. When I got there I got a text that these little people were waiting for me!

I was so excited, I felt like a kid at Christmas. They made me a sign that said, "welcome Aunt Tracie". We went to the market and saw lots of different booths. 

 We went trick or treating, then ended the night watching the Royals game.

We didn't go maybe as deep as I had hoped but I know there's time for that. I feel a little cheated of my childhood, Noone telling me about her.She found me and  I am so thankful for her. 

Its so hard being so far away form each other. Its expensive for our whole family to fly and stay in hotel ect.. But Aaron says we will find a way. I really want to get to know my niece and nephew and I have a brother n law who is a smart....just like my husband,

 I am so happy I got to go.. It was the leaving that was hard even 3 days later I still get teary eyed because 2 days was just not enough time.  My mission is to  remember birthdays and holidays and make an effort to stay close to her. To know her heart, I want to know her fears, what makes her sad, what makes her happy. I want to help put joy into her life. I want to be a part of her life. She has made room for me and for that I am forever greatful.

God can carve me out anytime and I am okay with that!

Someone posted this picture and it reminded me today this is how I feel and I am sure many woman feel this way. I see God constantly carving all the negative stuff and designing me to be stronger, more confidant and more transparent.To all my women friends out there, know that God is always refining you, carving you and designing you to be what he thinks is best. He starts with your head (your mind), he constantly is in your head just sit back and listen, then he goes to your eyes, he helps you see things more clearly, he helps you see how much he loves you through his word, through your relationships, he goes to your hands and teaches you how to reach out to others in time of need, or to give someone a hug or a handshake. He goes to your feet and directs your paths if you let him. Let him carve you out....let him design you...let me guide your feet!

I am getting closer to 50...

So another year has come for me to try and remember how old I am. I thought I would never get to that place where I would have to ask my kids and husband how old I am going to be. I realize I am getting closer to 50. I sometimes used to think that was a bad thing, aches and pains, wrinkles and gray hair. But I am learning its not such a bad thing. Do I enjoy my arthritis in my ankles or shoulders, the gray hair I am getting more of or the weight I am struggling to lose, of course I could do without those things. What I am enjoying of getting older is I have my husband who is my best friend to grow old with, my one daughter is married and someday grand kids will come and getting closer to see God.
As I have gotten older some of my personal relationships have changed but I think its really for the better. I might be getting a letter, not an ordinary letter but a letter to tell me what a disappointment I am, how I should be ashamed of my self for being strong, for being different, for being that black sheep, for being God's child and realizing I live for different, I live for my Jesus who wants me to be nice not judgmental, to loves others as I want to be loved, to be giving always and not wanting to receive. So I decided if I get this letter I will not read it, I know from experience it will be like many others I have received. I will throw it away and know I am good, I am my Saviors child, I am forgiven, I am loved and no one really knows me like God does. He's my true father and when I see him I know I probably will ask what could I have done better in my relationships? I am not sure what he would say.
So this birthday Aaron says what do I want to do for my birthday. I said I want to listen to my music on spotify and have some worship time with God listening to songs like, You make beautiful things out of dust by Gungor. I want to just appreciate the day, appreciate God for making me, for using me for the good and the bad stuff in my life. Then off to dinner with my best friend and enjoy quiet time with him. That is a good birthday to me.
Then I will continue to leave a legacy for my kids and grand kids, to show them what it is to be loved by God and to serve him continuously through your life does pay off. I am strong and confident that I have lived a good life so far and have learned so much from my journeys that God has me on. I look forward to continue to draw closer to my Father!
Happy 43rd birthday to me!

Prayer brings Blessings!

I have this devotion book that I often talk about, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. God gave her such a gift. Through her writings she seems to speak so often to many who read her book. I know on many occasions I may be going through something and seems God just knows what I need to hear.

Today my devotion stated this: "Let the Dew of My Presence refresh my mind and heart. So many things vie for your attention in this complex world of instant communication. The world has changed enormously since I first gave command to Be still and know I am God. Then it goes on to say Communicate with Me continually and I will put My thoughts into your mind."

If you don't have a regular devotion book I suggest this one. Its very good, and it almost everyday has something to say about whats going on with my life at that very moment. Each one of us often are going through trials, a friend said to me one time that when going through your trial, God's preparing you for another. I used to say I am not sure like the way God thinks, because I am really tired of all these trials. I realize these trials only make me stronger and cause me to lean on God more and more. I am constantly seeking him, talking to him and worshiping with him.

Here's a thought I leave you with, words from my Pastor Mike Wild...

No Prayer No Blessing,

 Little Prayer Little Blessing, 

Much Prayer Much Blessing!

Mike Wild

Tracie's Corner: Happily ever after!

Tracie's Corner: Happily ever after!: If you have seen that movie, Everlasting Tuck, that was what Aaron called Braden the first time he met him.  So on August 29th Everlasting ...

Happily ever after!

If you have seen that movie Tuck Everlasting , that was what Aaron called Braden the first time he met him.
 So on August 29th Tuck Everlasting got his girl!

From the rehearsal day to the wedding I watched my baby girl smile from ear to ear. She kept saying, "I'm getting married". Yes you are, God made you to be a wife, he prepared your heart and mind for what a wife should be. I felt blessed to be not just the mother of the bride, but her confidant about her fears, her excitement and to see the beauty in this relationship. The rehearsal dinner was so much fun to see them work as a team with all their friends, to see them laugh together  and to enjoy the evening even though they both rather not be center of attention. The food was amazing!

We all couldn't sleep much  Friday night, excited for the big day! When I went to Alyssa's apartment I was overjoyed with smiles and some tears of how beautiful she looked. She was getting pampered left and right. Her sister was there, her new sister n laws were there, her childhood best friend. It was a great morning. Now if the wind would stop and the clouds move on.  Went to Fort Vancouver to take pictures,

Her daddy anxiously waiting to see her first (She had always said she wanted to have a moment first with her daddy), tears in his eyes he waited, she tapped on his shoulder and he was in awe of her. I stood afar letting them have their moment and you could see they were in that moment where she is still his little girl but now moving on to become a wife. He told me later that Braden is a lucky man and he was excited to see what becomes of their future.

The groom was so excited to get on with this, that when I saw Braden at his car he was like, Come on, lets get on with this. I want to see her now". I felt honored that Alyssa wanted me to be there to witness that moment. He was anxiously waiting, it was fun to see her in her shortness reach up cover his eyes and then he turned around. He was in awe of her, he just looked at her over and over and was memorized by her. That was their moment!

The wedding was about to start and from what I am told daddy prayed with her and held her and reassured her that she is good, she will be a great wife, she will be a great partner. Aaron was so honored to be able to give Alyssa away. Im so proud Aaron didn't cry, and I got teary eyed but held it together. It overall was a great day and we are so excited to have a son n law and the Tuck's have a new daughter. We feel so blessed by God that he brought these familes together.





I think The groom was excited to finally have his bride!

21 days and counting!

I have this application on my phone that reminds me everyday that our oldest is going to enter the new stage in her life as a wife. I am happy for her, I think she made a very good choice. We are gaining a son n law who is tall :) and funny. He can be quiet but you see the wheels turning in his head. I am excited to see how he will love her, dote on her, appreciate her even on their not best days. I never thought I'd find happiness the second time but I did and I hope we can be one of many examples of what marriage is. 

A father is the first man their daughter ever loves...

I am not sure what it is about daddy's and their little girls, but I am sure my husband wouldn't mind if I shared this, he is so happy for Alyssa. He just gets a little sad knowing she will have her own life, own home, and not be here in our home anymore at night. I have read and it seems true, that dads are not big on being involved in the details of the wedding planning,but when the big day arrives dads just hope that the groom will love their daughter as much as they do. We know this to be true,we do see how much Braden loves Alyssa.  

Dads, I think want to still be a speed dial away, to be a shoulder she can still cry on if needed, to be one to give some good advice when asked. Aaron hopefully has shown Alyssa from day one what a good man looks like and how a woman should be treated. We are so proud of who she has become and we realize we are getting older and are now moving into a new phase of life. With that being said you will see tears at this wedding and they will be happy bittersweet tears!

Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad~Anne Geddes

Baby girl is all grown up!

I cant believe the time has flow by. All 3 of my kids are older and are on different journeys. But today I am reflecting on my oldest. Shes getting married in 62 days. It seems like yesterday I was watching her play softball, fixing scraped knees or icing ankles.

Yesterday she had a family bridal shower hosted by her 4 future sister n laws. Yes 4. shes gaining another family that is arge in size and has big hearts full of love for her. I am so happy for her. I am happy she has found a young man who loves her so much. I can see by the way he looks at her, the way they laugh together. They compliment each other very well. God has had a hand in this and I am excited to see what their future will be.

Maybe its a mom thing, but I get teary eyed to see her future play out. Maybe its because of my own failures with my relationship with my mom and my daughter Kayla. I do know this, she has a good head on her shoulders and and I belive she is going to be very happy. When your kids are happy your happy. So in 62 days she is going to be very happy and I can't wait to be a part of her day!

Today is the day

The song, "Today is the day" keeps running thru my head tonight. I cant sleep, tossing and turning in bed. Feeling lots of emotions tonight, Maybe its the thought that my child was in town and did not make an effort to come see me in hopes of restoring our relationship. I sometime think when I reach out to her  that I am making an effort, showing her I still care. I  keep playing in my head over and over, why can't she just come to me and my husband and just say I am sorry for hurting you, I am sorry for all the lies I told. Please forgive me. 
Its then I am reminded by God, she is not there yet, and she may never be. I need to get to a place where I can except that. Its almost like losing a child, how do I do that, How do I, how do we (my husband and 2 other children) move on without her in the picture? Its hard to think of life without her. But I can not put my life on hold for her. I cannot live my life feeling bad all the time, thinking about the what ifs, and how I could have been a better parent. It is true, I have sworn at my child, threw things in my house in a moment of anger, I have cried many tears over the fact I could have always done better. But  I am not sure she will ever forgive me or love me differently knowing I have these feelings. Its been almost a year and she has made no effort to reach out to us. To make a mends. Shes replaced me with someone else who she knows has hurt me so much and from my point of view doesn't care. 
So how do I move on from this situation, how do I become satisfied with the way things are? Just like in the song, this is what I should be doing...

I'm casting my cares aside

I'm leaving my past behind
I'm setting my heart and mind on You
Jesus

I'm reaching my hand to Yours
Believing there's so much more
Knowing that all You have in store for me is good
Is good

Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it
Today is the day You have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it

And I wont worry about tomorrow
I'm trusting in what You say
Today is the day

So this song has been in my head this morning at 3 am over and over. I know its God speaking to me. I am scared, but I feel God is just saying, let her go and live for me today. I need to leave all the past behind and move forward and if she wants to catch up then she will.I never imagined I would be in this type of situation. I always thought I had my life under control. I now have come over this last year to realize, I am not in control and nor will I ever be, God is, I just am having a hard time surrendering. I am tired of being sad, depressed and hurt all the time. I want to be renewed so I can feel joy. 

I have often been reminded of the Prodigal son story in the bible. How its a story about God's redemptive Grace and Mercy. His unconditional love and forgiveness. Its about God seeking sinners. 

I want to forgive and have mercy, I want to be forgiven and want mercy...

But what I want maybe not what God wants for me right now. I really don't know. Sometimes I feel so lost as to what to do. So I a continuously seeking Gods wisdom in this situation.

Today is her day!

Today is her day! Today she becomes that young adult she wanted so much to be for so long. Today she is in a new town, new school this year, new life. Today she will celebrate with her other family. Today she will begin a new journey in this big world. 

There's a song that reminds me of Kayla, God makes beautiful things out of dust...by Gungor
God made this beautiful child and allowed me to be the one to speak into her life, to encourage her, to appreciate her, to watch her grow up into a beautiful girl, but most of all God gave me the gift of love. To be able to love my girl even in the midst of trials,  I am reminded even today in my devotion of these things:

You should make friends with the difficulties in your life, even though it may feel wrong to do this. God can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that we should trust him. Every difficulty can teach us something, It can transform us into the masterpiece God intended for us to be. I do need to remember that, that very difficulty I am going through can become a stumbling block which can cause me to fall if I do not trust God in ths situation. 

The best way to get through these difficultys is to thank God for them. God may not remove the difficulty but hopefully will help me to see the importancce of being in the word and praying.

So today I celebrate from a far loving her, hoping and praying happiness for her. Today I pray she remembers that God loves her and I love her so much and miss her. Today I will continue to watch her transform into an adult and when I get sad I will think of her smile, her laughter and most of all I will remember God gave her to me. I will always be her mom.

Happy 18th Birthday dear Kayla!